Funny Quotes

• 

  Never argue with stupid peoplethey will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.

  Mark Twain

  InspirationalLifeHilarious

  2743 Copy quote

• Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

  Alan Dundes

  InspirationalChristmasSarcastic

  2286 Copy quote
• 

  If you think you are too small to make a differencetry sleeping with a mosquito.

  Dalai Lama

  InspirationalChangeInspiring

  1325 Copy quote

• Politicians and diapers must be changed oftenand for the same reason.

  Mark Twain

  ChangePoliticsDiapers

  2168 Copy quote
• 

  When I dieI want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.

  Will Rogers

  DeathHilariousHumorous

  2447 Copy quote

• Remembertoday is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.

  Dale Carnegie

  FaithTimeMotivation

  Dale Carnegie (2010). “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living”p.372Simon and Schuster

  2525 Copy quote

  Show source

• Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting the bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian.

  Dennis Wholey

  InspirationalLifeKarma

  2444 Copy quote

• As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goesand I can't remember the other two.

  Norman Wisdom

  BirthdayMemoriesHumorous

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  1599 Copy quote

  Show source

• Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

  Oscar Wilde

  LifeHilariousWitty

  293 Copy quote

• money is not everything but it ranks right up there with oxygen

  Zig Ziglar

  MoneyOxygenFamous Motivational

  53 Copy quote

• The empty vessel makes the loudest sound.

  William Shakespeare

  LifeSarcasticWisdom

  204 Copy quote
• 

  To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead.

  Thomas Paine

  4th Of JulyMedicineReligion

  559 Copy quote

• The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.

  Albert Einstein

  LoveLifeGod

  "Personal Quotes/ Biography". www.imdb.com.

  2614 Copy quote

  Show source

• Before you judge a manwalk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?... He's a mile away and you've got his shoes!

  Billy Connolly

  InspirationalWittyHumor

  906 Copy quote

• Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

  Margaret Mead

  InspirationalInspiringLaughter

  300 Copy quote

• The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.

  Abraham Lincoln

  InspirationalLifeMotivational

  Abraham Lincoln (1992). “The Wit and Wisdom of Abraham Lincoln”Plume

  666 Copy quote

  Show source
• 

  Nothing is impossiblethe word itself says 'I'm possible'!

  Audrey Hepburn

  InspirationalMotivationalPositive

  273 Copy quote
• 

  Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiotand anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

  George Carlin

  InspirationalLifeSarcastic

  "Carlin on Campus". DocumentaryComedy1984.

  1854 Copy quote

  Show source

• All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.

  Charles M. Schulz

  LoveValentines DayWitty

  295 Copy quote
• 

  Facebook just sounds like a dragin my day seeing pictures of peoples vacations was considered a punishment

  Betty White

  JealousyHumorousVacation

  91 Copy quote

• The road to success is always under construction.

  Lily Tomlin

  InspiringSuccessCongratulations

  199 Copy quote

• Politics: Poli a Latin word meaning many and tics meaning bloodsucking creatures.

  Robin Williams

  LatinHumorPolitical

  173 Copy quote
• 

  Life is hard; it's harder if you're stupid.

  John Wayne

  LifeLeadershipBadass

  404 Copy quote

• Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

  Jay Leno

  MoneyEpicWinning

  195 Copy quote

• If you try to failand succeedwhich have you done?

  George Carlin

  InspirationalWittyTrying

  181 Copy quote