Empathy is the ability to recognizeunderstandand share the thoughts and feelings of another personanimalor fictional character. Developing empathy is crucial for establishing relationships and behaving compassionately. It involves experiencing another person’s point of viewrather than just one’s ownand enables prosocial or helping behaviors that come from withinrather than being forced.
Some surveys indicate that empathy is on the decline in the United States and elsewherefindings that motivate parentsschoolsand communities to support programs that help people of all ages enhance and maintain their ability to walk in each other’s shoes.
Developing Empathy
Empathy helps us cooperate with othersbuild friendshipsmake moral decisionsand intervene when we see others being bullied. Humans begin to show signs of empathy in infancy and the trait develops steadily through childhood and adolescence. Stillmost people are likely to feel greater empathy for people like themselves and may feel less empathy for those outside their familycommunityethnicityor race.
Empathy helps us connect and help othersbut like other traitsit may have evolved with a selfish motive: using others as a “social antenna” to help detect danger. From an evolutionary perspectivecreating a mental model of another person's intent is critical: the arrival of an interloperfor examplecould be deadlyso developing sensitivity to the signals of others could be life-saving.
Babies display an understanding that people’s actions are guided by intentions and are able to act on that understanding before they are 18 months oldincluding trying to comfort a parent. More advanced reasoning about other people’s thoughts develops by around age 5 or 6and research shows that parents who promote and model empathy raise more empathetic children.
Empathysympathyand compassion are often used interchangeablybut they are not the same. Sympathy is feeling of concern for someone elseand a desire that they become happier or better offwhile empathy involves sharing the other person’s emotions. Compassion is an empathic understanding of a person's feelings accompanied by altruismor a desire to act on that person's behalf.
Researchers believe people can choose to cultivate and prioritize empathy. People who spend more time with individuals different from themselves tend to adopt a more empathic outlook toward others. Other research finds that reading novels can help foster the ability to put ourselves in the minds of others. Meditation has also been shown to help cultivate brain states that increase empathy.
Some neuroscientists have advanced the concept of "mirror neurons” as a possible source of empathy. These neuronsit is theorizedenhance the capacity to displayreadand mimic emotional signals through facial expressions and other forms of body languageenhancing empathy. But whether mirror neurons actually operate this way in humans is a subject of longstanding scientific debateand some scientists question their very existence.
Empathy in Relationships
The ability to convey support for a partnerrelativeor friend is crucial to establishing positive relationships. Empathy enables us to establish rapport with another personmake them feel that they are being heardandthrough words and body languagemimic their emotions. Perspective-takingor the empathic ability to assume the cognitive state of another person and see a problem through their eyescan further cement a connection.
In healthy relationshipspeople expect their partners to empathize with them when they face hardship or personal strugglesbut the ability to empathize with a partner in good times may be at least as important. In one studydisplaying empathy for a partner’s positive emotions was five times more beneficial for relationship satisfaction than only empathizing with his or her negative emotions.
People high in narcissismor who have narcissistic personality disordercan exhibit empathy and even compassion. Howeverthat ability only goes so faras ultimately their own needs come first. Some researchers believe narcissists can develop greater empathy by developing greater self-compassionwhich can increase their own feelings of security and self-worth and enable them to open up to hearing others.
The Downside of Empathy
Putting yourself in someone else’s shoes can be beneficialbut when it becomes one’s default mode of relating to othersit can blind an individual to their own needs and even make them vulnerable to those who would take advantage of them.
People who regularly put the feelings and perspectives of others above their own may experience feelings of emptiness or alienation and develop generalized anxiety or low-level depression. Psychopathson the other handare capable of empathic accuracyor correctly inferring thoughts and feelingsbut may have no experiential referent for it: a true psychopath does not feel empathy.
First respondershumanitarian aid workersdoctorstherapistsjournalistsand others whose work involves opening themselves up to others’ pain tend to be highly empathic. Howeverthey may come to share the heartbreak of those they help or whose stories they record. As such “emotional residue” accumulatesthey may shut downburn outand become less willing or able to give of themselves.
Empaths are often characterized as being highly sensitive and overly focused on the needs of others. They may benefit from time aloneas they find it draining to be in the presence of other people. People who are very empathic are more likely to be targeted by manipulative individuals. For this reasonit is important to create healthy boundaries in all relationshipsand to be cognizant of relationships with "energy vampires," who are draining to empaths and non-empaths alike.
